Bi-Frostrations & Much Ado About Lost Pants
by SailorSilvanesti
Summary: Tumblr Prompt, "Where are my clothes? -FrostIron" AU. The Avengers partake of, perhaps, far too much Asgardian hospitality and wake up with a few major details of the previous night nothing more than a flat-out blur of odd decisions and lost pants. Featuring: Captain America in a pink, ducky-bathtowel!


**Disclaimer: I do not own the AVENGERS, or any associated characters.**

Tumblr Prompt, "Where Are My Clothes? -FrostIron" AU.

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**~*Bi-Frostrations & Much Ado About Lost Pants*~**

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"Well, not that I'm complaining but how the hell did I get here? What was I drinking last night? And most importantly of all, where is HERE?" Tony asked the lump under the emerald sheets, sitting bolt upright and glancing around at the far-too-shiny-room-for-this-kind-of-hungover.

"Would you please silence yourself, it is still far too early to rise…" came a terrifyingly familiar voice from beneath the covers.

"Please tell me you are not the person I think you are," the genius billionaire philanthropist superhero breathed with a thrill of fear to his tone, reaching over to grab a fistful of covers in his hand and pull.

As originally thought, the one who was revealed was EXACTLY the one he had dreaded seeing. Inch by inch the sumptuous covers slid away to reveal a vast expanse of flawless pale skin and eventually, a mop of ink-dark hair messily splayed over flesh and bed alike.

"Stark, cease your mindless chattering or I shall enchant you into silence…" muttered the Trickster from face-down in his pillow, pointing a finger unerringly accurately at the human man without even looking.

"I don't take direction well, refuse to even read instruction manuals… it's pretty much who I am, you should know that by now," the mortal quipped back, only to be struck by a pillow that had apparently decided to whap him good of it's own accord.

"That's not fair," he whined a little, in the way that used to drive Pepper to complete and utter distraction; she once admitted, while quite drunk on deceptively strong liquor, that she had thought of tossing Tony out the window on more than one occasion and even mentioned how she planned to get away with it. Tony immediately sent her on an all-expenses paid vacation for a few months and made sure she was given gifts every day…

"All is fair in war… and well, love is not the word I would use to describe what we did last night…" Loki responded smugly, tone conveying the smirk that could not be seen.

"Well screw you too!" he shouted, sliding to the edge of the bed and nearly falling out as the other rolled over to fire a deadly volley.

"No, darling, if you recall we've already done that bit… and several other similar things that I'm pretty sure are banned in at least seven of the other realms…" smirked the Asguardian, languidly stretching out in the bed and staring at the Avenger who was foraging about the room butt-naked.

There really wasn't a comeback for that.

"Okay, all the 'we totally did it last night' innuendoes and references, where the Your Daughter are my clothes…" Tony said, looking under couch cushions, opening the dresser draws and glancing behind furniture…

Hey, he'd once found his shirt on a ceiling fan the morning after… you never know…

Loki rolled and got out of bed, gesturing with a hand and dressing himself with the hoodoo-voodoo that he possessed. "Oh, I may have tossed them out the tower window, I'm certain if you lean out and shout for them, the guests on the floor below might be kind enough to toss them back up here…" he grinned.

"I… I hate you so much right now," Tony dead-panned, turning a full three-sixty degrees in search of something, ANYTHING AT ALL…

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Twenty minutes later, stunningly draped in a make-shift outfit of Loki's bedsheets and pointedly not looking at the Trickster in any way, shape or form… the pair separately entered the dining hall for breakfast.

The other avengers and several key members of court were sitting about the table, many seats were empty after the apparent feast of some kind last night. Surprisingly, several of his fellow heroes were also garbed oddly… from bath towels and bedsheets to the wrong outfits and ill-fitting borrowed asguardian outfits.

You know what, he wasn't even going to ask…

…scratch that, when did Coulson get here and why was he wearing Captain America pyjamas?

He slid into the seat beside him as Thor strode past amicably talking to Steve, who was trying to conceal his discomfort at being around so many people while wearing nothing but a small pink towel with duckies on it (belonging to one Jane Foster, if the tag was correct, but the scientist was nowhere to be seen).

He leaned conspiratorially towards Bruce, on his immediate left. "So uh, what exactly happened last night because my brain is a blank…"

"You don't remember either?" was the unexpected reply, prompting him to drop his newly-acquired piece of toast.

Clint was half-sleeping in a pile of something that smelled a little like pancakes, but were odd colours and shaped somewhat weird. "Oh my god," he whispered quietly, "what was IN that mead last night?"

"It was not so strong as Russian Vodka," Natasha mused from beside him, completely at ease in her borrowed dress and equally as equitable with the hand Lady Sif had on her knee under the table. Of course, that could be because the other female warrior was sharing her bacon with the assassin…

"Tash, not everyone in the world is capable of straight up drinking that soviet rocket fuel without going blind…" Tony pointed out, throwing her a glance.

"Obviously not, based on your behaviour last night," the Black Widow directed at the Avengers at large with a knowing quirk to her lip that told everyone there she had their misdemeanours saved on camera somewhere they'd never find.

"T'was the joyous anniversary of our team-creation… fellow Avengers, and I brought you to Asgard to celebrate with your fellow warriors!" Thor shouted, making many hungover humans present cringe.

"Fantastic, instead of getting drunk and making questionable decisions at my tower where JARVIS can call the paramedics or get Dum-E to extinguish the fires that may inadvertently result… you dragged us here to get drunk and make questionable life decisions in YOUR kingdom?" Tony levelled at the God of Thunder.

Thor frowned, "Well I suppose you could put it that way, Man of Iron…"

"Not complaining, that's everything I ever wanted… except I may have made a few of my more questionable decisions last night…" he glanced at Loki, but no one commented.

Seconds later a missile of cooked egg smacked him in the side of the face. Tony naturally retaliated, because why not?

And it spiralled from there, a piece of bacon goes the wrong way and all hell breaks loose…

Odin, the All-Father, was most notably absent from the meal-turned-battle as he had walked in earlier, taken stock of the entire situation and done a u-turn back to his chambers thereby washing his hands of that weirdness.

All in all, an enjoyable start to what would be an interesting day wherein the end involved celebrations similar to the previous night, and once more Iron Man found himself in Loki's bedchambers the next day…

By the fourth day, the genius finally worked out the pattern… and a further celebration was thrown to commemorate Tony's incredible thickness, which was only marred by various members of the Avengers slipping Bridal magazines in Tony and Loki's directions when they thought no one was looking…

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Tony's previously lost clothes were finally located halfway down the Bifrost with no explanation… and Heimdall refused to tell.

The All-Seeing one did however wander about with an All-Knowing smirk on his face for months afterwards and it got pretty damn frustrating after a while…

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**The End**


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